January has always been a tough month for no other reason than its usually cold, snowy, dark and just plain boring. And I’ll admit that its often left me feeling the blues as I yearn for warmer weather. However, this year January takes on a whole new meaning. It was the end of January last year when Mom passed away. These recent weeks it has been difficult to not reflect back on that time of extreme stress and suffering. I know the coming days will continue to be a reminder of all the despair felt only a year ago. It may have only been one year, but I feel like I have lived about 5 years in the span of 12 months.
I am always looking for ways in which my Mom is still with me. Whether its a slight flicker of a light, seeing a cardinal, or finding a lucky penny in my path, I am always open to receiving signs from her. One of the way is through special songs on the radio. In fact, as we were planning the flowers for her funeral, one of her favorite songs began playing at the florist, which for me was a sign that her love was still with us. Recently, I came across a song by a new country artist named Cam. Mom was not all that much of a country music fan, but the lyrics to the song ‘Village’ really spoke to me. Its from the perspective of someone looking down on loved ones from heaven.
Some of the lyrics go –
“your whole heart is a village
everyone you love has built it
and I’ve been working there myself
and that’s where I’ll be, with a front row seat
to watch you live your life well
and I KNOW you’ll live your life well”
Isn’t that what Mom has always wanted, to watch me ‘live my life well’? Whether that’s been physically by my side or from heaven above? I’ll admit that one of the toughest challenges in all of this is figuring out how to still create a beautiful life for myself despite her absence. I feel like I figure it out a little more everyday……
So, no matter what you may be going through, be brave enough to hold onto the hope that life will be beautiful again. Life is certainly different, but have faith that those we love are still with us everyday, watching us grow and living our life well. And if we are lucky, we may run across reminders of their continued presence and everlasting love.