Now that Halloween is over, the Holidays are thrust upon us. This year is our first Christmas without Mom, so it’s only natural I feel a sense of dread. Christmas was her favorite holiday. I have mentioned before how much she loved finding the perfect gifts for everyone, so it’s only natural that our Christmases were always extra special. She considered Christmas Shopping part of “getting into the Holiday spirit”. I inherited that same spirit and always love finding special Christmas presents, especially for her.
I remember her frailness at last year’s Christmas Eve service. She was unable to stand during the hymns, so my brother remained sitting with her the whole time. Hearing the Christmas Story that night and listening to how the great “hope” of our world came to be, reminded me that anything was possible. Our God is a God of hope and surely with as much love as we had for Mom and she had for the Lord and Savior, she would pull through this. Soon after the Holidays I realized that my hope for healing was misplaced. The suffering was just too great. My hope became that she would be relieved of the horrible suffering and find peace in a place where she could finally be free. A place of unimaginable love and peace. A place of hope that only our Savior could provide.
So this year, I am going to give it my best effort to “feel” the Christmas spirit in honor of my Mom. I fully expect to have some sad, melancholy moments, but I like to think she would want us all to be happy at Christmas and somehow enjoy the Holiday. Get lost in the wonder of such a magical time of year. If for no other reason than for her. The last thing she would want is to think SHE somehow ruined OUR Christmas with her absence. That is why it is so important for me to try…..try to enjoy decorating my house, to enjoy shopping for others, to get lost in looking at Christmas lights. Try to make our first “new” Christmas an enjoyable one where we can allow ourselves to feel how much the Holiday love and togetherness meant to her, rather than only feeling our palpable sense of loss. Isn’t that the least we can do for someone who means so very much to us? To simply “try”. To give our best effort and find a way to enjoy her favorite time of year. I am certainly going to try and hope I can make her proud.
I know Christmas will never be the same without her, but my prayer is that come Christmas Morning, our hearts are filled with the love, joy, and happiness she felt every Christmas. And that somehow, we will ALL feel her spirit enjoying the Holiday with us, just as she has always has…..